To My Next Thirty Years

                             

     Does anyone else remember the 2004 film 13 Going on 30? You know, the popular rom-com where a thirteen- year-old girl magically wakes up one morning as her thirty-year-old self? I remember watching it as a teenager and seeing Jennifer Garner in all of her thirty-year-old glory, thinking she was just so...old . I remember thinking my thirtieth birthday was another world away, something that was inevitable but not anything I had to worry about for a long, long time.  It would just happen...eventually. Well tomorrow is that inevitable day...my thirtieth birthday (sigh), and I have no idea  how in the H-E-Double Hockey-sticks I got here. I feel just like Jenna  in 13 Going on 30. It is as if I was just a normal thirteen-year- old yesterday playing with my friends after school, then woke up this morning a full fledged thirty-year-old, paired with a side of a long list of responsibilities and a slower metabolism. What?!!

     I know, I know. I’m being dramatic. But seriously, I feel like turning thirty is a pretty big deal, and if I’m not careful, I can easily see myself falling down the rabbit hole of negative feelings and unfulfilled dreams. I thought I would be married by now or I still don’t have any kids. What if I’m too old?!! 

      As terrifying as turning thirty may be, I made a conscious decision to change my thought patterns to focus this year on the positive side of reaching this milestone age. I learned and grew so much in my twenties, and I feel like there’s no better time than the present to continue the work I’ve put in and manifest positivity. So I decided to create a list of several things I am opening my heart to in my thirties, and the most significant of these, I noticed, was this: 

Focusing more of my energy on those who love me (and less on those who don’t). 

     Im no stranger to adversity or struggling to find my niche. Growing up I was awkward, painfully shy, and unsure of myself. Making friends was never easy, and I feel like that significantly affected my life as a young adult and how I viewed friendships. At times I would find myself so desperate to fit in that I would tolerate people and behavior far past their expiration dates. In my early twenties, friends were people to go out and be seen with, even if they treated me badly. However, the older I’ve gotten, the less and less tolerance I’ve had for, for lack of a better phrase, “sh*tty friends and sh*tty people.” 

     No matter how hard I try to be perfect and like-able, there will always be someone who doesn’t see my worth and/or fails to treat me according to my worth. Even though this does hurt from time to time (being the Empath that I am), the amazing part is that I now have a choice. I no longer am driven by the need to fit in, and I no longer have to tolerate being treated less than how I deserve as a human being. 

    There are so many people in my life who love me deeply and whole-heartedly. I can choose to focus my energy on them and not get caught up in those who do not. I don’t need everyone to love me. I don’t need everyone to see my worth. Because the ones who do mean that much more to me, and are who I only have energy for. One of my all-time favorite quotes is from Brené Brown. She said, “I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of those whose opinions of me matter. In order to be on that list, you have to love me for my strengths and my struggles.” 

       Turning thirty may in fact not be the new twenty. But that’s ok with me. Looking back on my twenties, I wouldn’t trade them for anything. They shaped and molded me into the woman I am today, and I have to say I am pretty proud of her.  As Tim McGraw once said, “Here’s to my next thirty years.”