Even though I am an Introvert, the Lack of Connection from Social Distancing is Agonizing

                 

Click...Click...Click. My navy-blue pumps hit the abandoned airport floor, the sound echoing almost as loudly as the ticking of my wrist watch. I arrive at my gate and scan the seating area, only a small handful of passengers in sight. I look toward them, desperate for an encouraging smile or a half second of eye contact; any small fragment of human connection. Unfortunately, they are all engaged in their tasks of disinfecting their seat areas, or reading the latest news update on their cell phones. My plea for connection is denied. Furthermore, no one is aware that their flight attendant has mascara running down her cheeks.

I’ve been working as a flight attendant for almost five years now, and until the past few weeks, my job has brought me the deepest sense of connection and belonging. I have always found such profound joy in interacting with my passengers and helping them in any way I can. Since I am an INFP, the job fulfills the inner dreamer in me, as there is no other job on this earth like it. I also, until recently, have always felt deeply connected to my co-workers. There is an unspoken bond amongst flight attendants; a comradery that comes from working as a team amid medical emergencies, unruly passengers, and highly stressful irregular operations. We often find ourselves having the most meaningful of conversations (an introvert’s dream) all the while sitting on our jump seats and drinking our bitter airplane coffee. Even though my introversion can make the social aspect of my job a bit draining at times, I have found ways to incorporate rest and solitude, my social battery almost always “recharged”. 

A Whole New World

In December 2019, the COVID-19 virus made its first debut into our lives and news feeds. Since then it has been named a global pandemic and has pressed the pause button on life as we know it. Weddings have been cancelled. The 2020 Tokyo Olympic Games have been postponed. And the aviation industry? Turned upside down and sideways. With travel only allowed for essential purposes, U.S. airlines have lost billions of dollars in revenue. Once jam-packed airports are now ghost towns, leaving flights with no more than fifteen passengers (on a good day). My workplace – once a wellspring of connection and meaning – is now a breeding ground for disconnect and extraordinary loneliness.

Life Without Connection

After checking in with the gate agent, I begin my workday by stepping onto the aircraft and meeting my flight crew. Normally, this would be a time of getting to know each other and begin bonding (after all, we are going to be isolated on an airplane with each other for the next four days). But such is no longer the case. These days, we introduce ourselves whilst making every effort to stay exactly six feet apart from one another. Aside from our required safety briefing, we barely speak. Instead, we immediately go to our stations and begin sanitizing.

After takeoff, we begin our in-flight beverage service. As we swiftly move through the cabin with our beverage cart, most of the passengers are wearing masks. Between the limited eye contact and muffled speaking, any possibility of connection is lost in translation. Normally, I enjoy commenting on passengers’ drink choices, books they are reading, or familiar sports teams endorsed on their sweatshirts or baseball caps. But now, everyone is staying in their safely sanitized bubbles, their main priority simple and clear: getting through the flight without touching their faces.

I get to my hotel for my layover. Normally, we would continue our in-flight conversations over glasses of Pinot Noir by the pool, reminiscing about the day’s most intriguing passengers or where we are all flying to this month. But now, the crew scatters like raindrops on a windshield in Seattle. Everyone scurries off to their private quarantines. After entering my hotel room, I lay on the bed and watch hours of one of my favorite hospital drama TV shows. After the third or fourth episode, however, the realism of my situation hits me and I feel my throat tighten. It is the reality of how much I miss holding my baby nephew’s tiny hand while reading him a bedtime story , or meeting my good friend for coffee once a week and chatting for hours about how we intend to make the world a better place . It is the reality of how even my workplace is dead with isolation. I feel agonizingly lonely and disconnected from social distancing. I sigh, bury my face in my hands, and cry until my white hotel pillow is covered in charcoal black mascara stains. I then pull the covers over my pajamas, set my alarm for 0400 , and tell myself I will be ok in spite of having to do it all over again tomorrow. 

Wired This Way

Since I am naturally an introvert, having an evening to myself in the quiet would typically be my own blissful slice of heaven. I love spending time in solitude, getting lost in someone else’s drama or love story, albeit snacking on a bag of salty potato chips. This time to myself is imperative for recharging for another day of socializing. But now, it feels as though there is no longer anything to recharge for. I’ve barely spoken to or socialized with anyone all day, and tomorrow will likely be a similar story. Right now, I don’t need solitude; I need connection. I need it as badly as I need air to breathe, and without it I feel as though I am suffocating.     

Author and researcher Brene Brown defines connection as “the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued...” She adds, “We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.” Psychologist Dr. Sue Johnson also explains the significance of human connection in her 2008 book, Hold Me Tight. She writes, “Being the ‘best you can be’ is really only possible when you are deeply connected to one another.”

Perspective 

I take the COVID-19 pandemic very seriously. I respect and follow all the new societal rules and precautions without hesitation. Nonetheless, just because I know that social distancing is the absolute best thing to do right now, it does not mean that I am ok. Likewise, just because I am an introvert, it does not mean I enjoy feeling disconnected. I enjoy solitude and being alone, but for the purpose of recharging. I need meaningful connection just as surely as I need a quiet moment in a corner reading my favorite book. I know I am not the only introvert who shares these feelings, and I know I am not the only introvert who is not ok right now. So the question remains: What can we do about it?

·         Get creative. Even though we are not able to visit with our close friends or loved ones in the flesh, we can still find ways to cultivate connection and belonging. Schedule a Face Time or video chat coffee date, write letters to one another showing your appreciation for each other, or send video messages back and forth as you go about your days. Connection is not birthed in the grandiose, but rather in the smallest and simplest of moments.

·         Practice gratitude. Positive psychology studies have shown coorelation between practicing gratitude and leading overall happier lives. Create a gratitude journal and write down three things you are thankful for each day and why. You can also think of one person who has significantly impacted your life in a positive way and write a letter to them expressing your gratitude. If our hearts are full of gratitude, it will be much more difficult for disconnect and loneliness to seep in.

·          Take courage. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’” I think we can agree on some level that social distancing sucks. However, even though we are feeling highly disconnected from others and uncertain about our futures, we can take comfort in knowing that these difficult times are producing great courage. We know that this won’t last forever, and we are going to come out braver people when it’s all over. 

We all need connection in one way or another. Some of us just happen to need it more than others, even if we are introverted. So let’s all stand up tall and be confident that we will get through this. We already have more than we could ever need: each other.