Four Struggles Every Introverted Bride Can Relate To

 

You’re getting married. Yay! Planning a wedding can be such an exciting time full of love, joy, and anticipation. However, if you’re an introverted bride like me, you’ve probably realized you have a unique set of challenges on your plate. The past nine months of being engaged have been truly amazing and I wouldn’t change them for anything. However, I would be one-hundred percent lying if I said it’s all been rainbows and butterflies. Truth be told, there have been multiple occasions where I’ve called my fiancé to vent while “ugly crying” in my sweatpants. Here are four struggles I’ve experienced as an introverted bride--struggles you, too, will probably find yourself relating to. 

1. Vendors not responding to my emails (hence forcing me to call). Since getting engaged, I started religiously checking my email awaiting responses to important questions I have from various vendors. Breakfast time: I  check my email. Lunch time: I check my email. Every hour in between: I check my email. But no matter how many times I click the white envelope icon on my iPhone, I’m still left with unanswered questions. The bakery I originally chose for my wedding cake took an average of seven to ten business days to respond to each email, and finally stopped responding altogether. Then, after our original officiant cancelled, I reached out to my local church (via email) to find a replacement. It has now been nearly three weeks since their last response, and I even included a reminder “just checking in” email last week, to no avail. Ugh, I think to myself, knowing my only resort now is to call. 

If you're an extrovert, you might be thinking, why didn’t you just call your vendors to begin with? The answer is simple. Introverts tend to absolutely abhor talking on the phone.  This is due to a variety of reasons, but for me personally, it’s partly due to the fact that I tend to express myself much more eloquently in writing than I do verbally. This is common for introverts, as they tend to be deep thinkers. I need time to process my thoughts and correct myself if necessary—something I just can’t do in a five-minute phone conversation. 

2. Pushy photographers. I’ll never forget the conversation I had with my first potential wedding photographer. I knew within the first ten seconds of the conversation that she was definitely not for us. She was not only loud and obnoxious, but asked me far-too personal of questions for someone I had never met before. She also kept pushing me to say “yes” to hiring her, and the more she tried to “sell herself”, the more I was convinced she was not what we wanted for our big day. Being an introvert, I already feel uncomfortable being in front of a camera. The only thing that can make that uncomfortable feeling worse is a pushy photographer who doesn’t understand why you’re uncomfortable in the first place. Luckily, we found a different photographer who is respectful of our comfort level and makes us feel validated. When she did our engagement photos, she talked us through each separate pose and allowed us time to warm up to the camera before taking shots for real. 

3. Feeling taken advantage of because I don’t speak my mind right away. Recently, I walked into my local jewelry store for the third time this month. My fiancé had just purchased my wedding band, but unfortunately, it didn’t fit with my engagement ring. I had it resized two separate times, and was coming in on this particular day to hopefully take it home with me. However, when I tried on my ring this time, my heart sank into the carpeted floor. “It still doesn’t fit,” I alerted the sales clerk, pushing back tears. After grabbing a co-worker for assistance, they both informed me that my wedding band was “not made for my engagement ring” and they recommended exchanging it for another band. However, because my fiancé purchased the band during a sale, they “weren’t sure if they could honor the sale price” if I did exchange it. 

Being an introvert, I tend to avoid conflict if I can help it. Because of this, it is often difficult for me to speak up when something is bothering me. Since I’m also a deep thinker, it can take a while for me to process information and formulate a response that I approve of. So, even though I watched my fiancé ask the sales clerk specifically if that wedding band would fit my engagement ring before he purchased it, and even though the sales clerk very clearly said yes, the only words I could muster to them on this day were, “I am a little frustrated, but I know it’s not your fault. It’s all good.” Double ugh. 

Of course, as soon as I got to the privacy of my car and had a chance to think through what had just happened, I called my sister ranting about what I should have said to them. Dammit. 

Needless to say, I felt taken advantage of and invalidated from this experience—emotions no bride should ever feel. 

4. Being the center of attention. When I was five, I was in my kindergarten class’ Christmas play. While I don’t remember which play it was, or even which part I played, I do remember very vividly hiding behind my sister and crying the entire time I was on stage. Being an introvert, having the spotlight on me has never really been “my thing”. I’ve always worked much better behind the scenes, and feel most comfortable at home on my couch behind my laptop. So the thought of my wedding day—when literally every eye is on the bride as she walks down the aisle-—makes me cringe with anxiety—to say the least. I can picture myself walking down the aisle so nervously that I accidentally trip over my dress, or my non-emotional guests judging me as I bawl through my vows. It just sounds so awkward.

When my sister got married five years ago, I remember her also struggling with this, since she, too, was an introverted bride. One piece of advice I remember her giving to me was to focus on the groom while walking down the aisle—and no one else. “Just keep looking towards your future husband, your true ‘safe place’”, she said. So when I marry my fiancé in three months, I will do just that. I will set aside my fears and social anxieties and focus my eyes on my safe place as I walk down the aisle. 

Even though being an introverted bride can be a struggle at times, it is important to note that there is also so much good involved in the process. From choosing meaningful vows and music, to having amazing bridesmaids by your side you know love and support you, to having the chance to marry the love of your life—it’s all very much worth celebrating. So, to all of the brides out there, whether introverted or extroverted: 

Cheers, and congratulations.